Like many of my friendships this blog gets neglected from time to time. What can I say? I’m a busy bitch! I have a 19 month old baby, a full-time job, and a Facebook addiction. Sometimes mama ain’t got time for dat mess. Lordy, I miss the days when I was a swingin’ single, calling up my girls, to be like, let’s hit the town and get crunk! I miss texting about whack ass dudes and then sometimes accidentally texting the whack ass dude the message you meant to send to your friend about him! Shenanigans! I miss the ease of drinking wine and dinners and long phone conversations that could go on and on uninterrupted even by trips to the bathroom. I might be nearing 40 but I have the heart and desires of a 16-year-old girl!
The things that change when you become a mother can be deep and the fucks you have to give can go from a million to zero. I want to be a good kind person, but I’m mostly a bitch. I’m hard until someone hits me where I’m soft and the amount of guilt I feel is sometimes disproportionate to the crime I may or may not have committed. I did something bad to a friend. She unfriended me on Facebook and in real life. And I feel terrible about it. And yet…I guess I have to let go. Realizing you don’t have room in your life for people you once loved is some depressing shit.
Adulting sucks y’all, IN SO MANY WAYS. Husband once told me that when you have a family people just naturally start turning inward, and that’s how it works. I didn’t want to believe that, but I feel it as Husband is becoming more and more the person I can depend on no matter what. The baby formerly known as the Red Rasta now to be known as The King, is basically the most important thing in our lives.
I mean we have our work, our dreams, our artistic pursuits, our friends (that are still our friends at the time of this post, ZING!) but The King is it. We have to base all our plans around him and whatever that little tyrant wants/needs. We never know what the hell is going to happen on a day-to-day basis. We don’t know when he’s going to get sick and we have to leave out of important work meetings to go get him.
We never know if we’re going to be a total shit sandwich at work the next day after we’ve been up all night, not partying at all. Life is different now. And I don’t have the luxury to cry all day over a broken friendship. But if you ever read this lost friend, I still love you, and I’m sorry I hurt you. Maybe one day you will forgive me. Maybe you won’t, but if you need me down the road and you call me in the middle of the night, I will pick up the phone. Well, I’ll probably have it on do not disturb at night, but I will totally call you back. DenverBitch out.